“Why would he want this?”

“He says he wants to come. I feel bad — should I let him?”

And my answer is always the same: you are not your man.

You will probably never fully understand why he wants to be denied.

And that’s OK.

Conversely, if you’re a man reading this, here’s a gentle reality check: your woman may never understand what you get out of this, not on a gut level.

And that’s also OK.

So long as you both agree what’s happening is consensual, mutual, and ultimately pleasurable...

... even when it doesn’t look that way.

Because here’s the golden truth:

He asked for this.

He begged for it.

And even when he’s begging now — sweaty, desperate, balls like anvils — he still means it.

John’s the same. He wants to orgasm, yes. But what he craves, deep in his bones, is denial. That’s the part that does it for him.

That’s the thing that touches whatever deep, irrational place this fantasy lives in most men.

And I don’t need to understand it completely. I just need to know it works, for him and for us.

So, what do you do when he starts getting stroppy?

When he starts pestering you, pushing boundaries, or pulling the “But pleeeease…” routine?

Simple.
Put the keys down next to him.

And say, with the calm of a goddess and the confidence of a woman who knows exactly what she holds in her hands, something like:

“Well. If you want it that badly, go ahead. Unlock yourself and give yourself an orgasm. That’s what you want, right?”

Then walk away.

Because here’s what’s really going on when a man gets whiny in chastity: he’s testing you.

He wants to see if you’ll bend. If you’ll flinch. If you’ll break your own rules because his eyes go all watery and he pouts.

Don’t.

In fact, don’t even get involved. If he insists on breaking the rules, let him break them himself.

No assistance. No stroking. No “Oh, go on then.” If he wants to ruin all the effort, all the energy, all the delicious desperation you’ve built up in him — make him own it.

Let him unlock himself. Let him masturbate. Alone.

And then...

 Let him lock himself back up again, if he even can

You can tell him, “You know where I am when you’re ready to play by the rules again. Bring me the keys when you've done and cleaned yourself up.”

Then leave him to it. 

That’s his punishment: absence. The cold emptiness of your indifference. Any desire he has for an orgasm will be long gone in the face of your utter lack of interest in his childishness. 

Because the nuclear option is this: you are always free to walk away.

You have the ultimate sanction of refusing to play the game with him.

If he turns pestiferous, sulky, or entitled, you don’t need to fight. 

You don’t need to explain.

You just stop playing.

And I promise, the second he realises the game only works when you enjoy it too, he’ll stop trying to break the rules.

He doesn’t want orgasms nearly as much as he wants you in charge of them.

And if you do this once or twice, I strongly suspect he won’t even go through with it the first time. He’ll sit there, keys in hand, and feel something much more potent than arousal: regret.

And that’s when he learns.

Now, one more thing...

 If you  miss the feel of him coming inside you, I get that.

It’s real.

That’s not weakness. It's connection. It’s okay to talk about it. Maybe you agree on a time span that works for you both. Long enough to make him suffer. Short enough not to feel like punishment for you.

But whether you release him once a week, once a year, or never again... just remember:

You’re not doing this to him.

You’re doing this for him.

And if he forgets that…

You know where the keys are.